Zeus stupid ideas
by vantweet
Summary: "Soooo, you basically put a lot of good-looking guys who are gods into a school they can't escape out of and expect them to behave and obediently learn the stuff you want them to?" "Yep, that is what I did!" "…Is there some screw loose in your head?" Selfinsert/OC
1. Prologue

**AN: This won't be Harem. I wrote this story to show how there can be a Harem-constellation without Haremstyled Romance. So expect friendship, a bit Bromance for the eyes, some fights and whatever I stick in here.  
**

* * *

„Why do these exams have to be so goddamn strenuous?!"  
My head met the desk with a smack, only cushioned by the many papers strewn all across the surface.

"Deal with it you big baby." With that my brother walked to the fridge to scrabble for something to eat.

"Easier said than done! I have to learn all the things we had in class for the last two years!"  
A whining sound escaped my lips.  
"I don't wanna study…" Another whining sound could be heard. "…Brooooooooo?"

His head appeared above the fridge door. "What?" He directs a sceptical look at me.

"Wanna play some Call of Duty?" I turned my head enough to let him see my pouty face with the puppy eyes.

He raised an eyebrow. "You've been putting off studying for heaven knows how long. If you delay it any more mom is gonna get angry." And with that he went back to raiding the refrigirator.

_'Damn it.'_ Another whining sound made it's way out of my mouth.

My gaze cought the window, or rather the cat sitting on some logs in our garden.

"Seems to be nice outside…"  
And indeed the sun was shining with the first rays of upcoming summer.

"Then get some fresh air and find some motivation", my brother replied casually.

Slowly I moved out of my chair and walked barefooted towards the back door to get into the back yard. The cat reacted to the opening sound of it, looked expectantly at me and mewed.  
"I know, I know. Dogs have Owners and Cats have Staff." Muttering that I tip-toed through moms flower-beds towards the fluffball.

Standing in front of the cat and petting it, it started to rub it's head against my side.  
"Don't get cuddled enough or what?" She didn't stop purring afterwards that damn kitty.

"You know… Sometimes I have the feeling you get off of that…." Another purr answered that assessment for me.

Suddenly a cold breeze sprang up and a chill went over my spine.  
_'Seems a bit too cold in a thin pyjama-jacket.'_ I continued stroking the purring mess beneath my hand.

Suddenly a deep voice called my name. **"Marduk Prisca"** Caught off guard I flinched. The cat got surprised by my sudden movement and hopped down the logs and pranced some feet away.

_'Did Mom get some __Sulfur hexafluoride or what?'_  
After nothing happened a moment later I was undecisive if I was just hearing things, or mom was really calling me. So I called, "What do you want?" ,and looked aroung for the owner of the weird voice/mom. Instead I discovered that some bush was glowing blue.

_'The heck?! Is someone playing a prank on me or what?!'_

**"Marduk Prisca"**

Wanting to investigate this phenomen of the blue-bush and expecting a speaker or something, I walked to the other side of the garden and found out that the light came from some glowing sword lying there.

_'…I feel kinda ripped off.'_

As this seemed to be some good planned prank, I wanted to grab the overgrown glowstick and put it in the trash can. Couldn't have junk lying about and soil the flower-beds.  
Only problem was when I touched that supposed plastic sword, it began floating and the shine grew brighter and brighter, until I couldn't look at it anymore without burning my retinas.  
_  
'The fuck is this?'_

I held my arms in front of my face to protect my eyes and after that I knew no more.


	2. Meeting my nemesis

**AN: Thanks for the reviews, favorites and alerts guys! You're awesome!**! **:D**

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Sooo, I woke up.

With a lot of back pain, because whoever kidnapped me and put me on the cold stone floor obviously didn't think that maybe a blanket or some pillow would have been nice for the bones of poor old me.

In my opinion that guy (or woman, or whatever) could have just placed me on some couch or something. That would at least have been much nicer, thankyouverymuch.

Grumbling I stood up and made my way out of some kind of glass alcove/sun room which lead me to a sun-flooded corridor.

Let me correct that: It lead me to a huge-ass corridor with a long red carpet and deliberately planted ivy around curved columns which made it look like I was inside some castle or palace. The wood-panelling and everything did the rest to me and made my jaw go slack with awe.

_'Whoever owns this place must be awesomely rich…Aaaaaand –if all the films about rich families are right- have staff who can make amazing food.' _For the first time since arriving here I grinned.

And in a saccharine voice I called: "Heeeey! Dear Mister Wealthyyyy! Where are you?"  
_'Where is my food?'_ I singsonged internally.

I heard a slight gasp behind me.

"A Human?" I turned around . "How sad that you've been caught up in his cruel game."

The person opposite me and thus my image of an old rich man with a moustache –because ALL wealthy old men have them- was destroyed. No, instead a pretty guy who looked a bit older than I am with wavy (was that green?) hair in a uniform stood a few meters away from me, with half his body hidden behind a column.

_'Has anyone ever told him that his hair looks like he fell into a muddy puddle?'  
_Not a really flattering first thought, but who cares.  
_'Anyway, I need some information so I'm just gonna let my detective-mode get flipped to on.'_

So I smiled at him and asked him in an insecure voice where we were and took some steps in his direction to let it seem as if I wanted to seek protection near him and trigger his protective instinct._ 'Heh. If there's one thing I'm confident in, it is my acting skills.'_

And he ruined all my plans of making myself look adorable (with the help of my babyface and everything) by telling me to stay away.

My intelligent reply was a witty "Eh?"

"Do not come near me. It will bring you misery."

And with that the rude guy walked into an aisle and left my view.

_'What the fuck? Has this little shit just ignored the efforts of fabously me being cute now?!'  
_  
Looking down at myself I found the reason.

'Okayyyy, maybe an old pink pyjama shorts one size too big and a blue checkered pyjamajacket, not to mention the greasy hair from not showering for a few days and the eyebags are to blame for it. Wait a sec, is that some kind of sword-necklace on my neck?Huh, didn't know I had that. Anyway, don't let your mind wander Marduk! You want to know more about you're kidnapper/food provider!

So when I followed the guy to try and squeeze some more Info out of him, I stumbled over a rabbit with a bow Orochimaru would be proud of, and fell flat on my face.

After getting over the first what-the-fuck moment and registrating the slight pain in my nose, my eye began to twitch.

I rolled onto my back and breathed in deeply.

And then I halfscreamed out into the world. "Goddamn it! Where the motherfucking duck is my luck today?! I'm a sunday-child for god's sake!" and then I let a slightly garbling growl follow.

After all, shouting a few profanities always make's one feel better.

Recovering from this damn weirdness which just wouldn't stop, I sat up, felt under my nose for a nosebleed (which I luckily didn't have) and found the thrice-damned rabbit sitting calmly in front of me.

So in my mature way I blamed the bunny for everything and decided to chase him in a mindless manner when I got up. I am often being told I'm impulsive.

"Run while you can," I gritted out between my teeth with a strained smile that was a bit too wide to be considered sane.

As if it heard me the thing started running, and with a warcry I went after it like the slightly deranged cat who wanted to catch the mouse.

Racing through that palace I wondered for a moment why I didn't see anyone else in this big-ass house, but that thought of train stopped when the rabbit threatened to outrun me.  
_  
'Ha! That dullard is running inside a room! Now you're trapped!'_

So with breakneck speed I ran into the room and stopped just in time to not run over the guy who held my nemesis. Or well more like run into the window next to him, but point was I didn't hit him and that diabolic devil was mine to get.

Pushing off the wall, and dusting nonexistent litter away, I glanced over at the guy who stared a bit wide-eyed at me and muttered: "Phew, that was close."

Stepping a bit back I glanced to the side to find out that the room I landed in was a …classroom?!

_'…I'm gonna ignore that for now'_

Turning back to the guy I discovered that this time I stood across someone with lavender-colored hair who wore the same uniform the last guy had. Before I could stop it my eyebrow rose and an exasperated sigh left my mouth. "Are all of you guys dyeing your hair some weird color?" I lifted my left eyebrow.

Before he could reply the door creaked behind me and someone interrupted our kind-of-  
conversation. "Hey Brother, I can't find Usamaro."

Turning around (Could it be that today I'm doing this really often?) I found my weird-hair-theory confirmed when a short guy with blue-green hair came in. He immediately grew hostile when he saw me. "Who are you?" He crisply bit the words out.

"Name's Marduk." Deciding to go with the flow I added a flourishing (and only slightly mocking) bow. (Hey! He was the one who started it!)

He prowled towards me and took a menacing posture. "Are you from here?" He tried to look intimidating, which he kind of was in that moment, but in the back of my head I amusedly noted that he was shorter than me.

I took a few steps back to get him out of my private space and smiled at him. "I'm sorry, but that's not the case."

_'Well seems the Mr. Wealthy has kidnapped a lot of people. Is he building a harem or something?!'_

His answer was a sound between a growl and a hiss. He opened his mouth to say something else when the purple guy –who still held the devil incarnate- interrupted and came forward, while petting the furry lord of doom.

"He doesn't seem to know anything either."

_'Am I just imagining things or is the voice of that purple guy like really smooth and uke-like?'_  
_  
_Mr. Alga-hair answered his brother with another weird 'tche' sound. "Then he's useless.  
Come on brother, let's go." The he grabbed purple's hand and proceeded to drag him towards the door.

With nothing else to do (and still wanting a chance to get darth vabbit) I butted in."Then I'm just gonna join you, don't mind me." I wanted to walk after him, but at my words he jerked around and nearly slapped me with his hand if I hadn't evaded it and poor me stumbled a few feet away in the process. "Don't follow us!" With that he turned back around and pulled his brother with him.

'Jeez, I think someone here needs to get laid. …Or make that two if we find the other rude stand-offish guy again.'

Now that purple and shorty were away, I had time to find more about my sorroundings so I walked to the window-front where I ran into only half a minute prior to get a better view of things.

And what I saw there somehow didn't make any sense to me. _  
_  
I mean: hello, flying islands anyone?  
And trees and grass and everything that was considered nature was like in a picture book.  
Really green and everything in full bloom (cherrys on blooming cherrytrees ARE kinda impossible). Which didn't make any more sense than flying islands.

_'Are they keeping a whole army of gardeners and magicians here or what?'_

I didn't see any other explanation how else everything was so …..well, beautiful.  
_  
_Letting my view wander nearer I saw some kind of basin only a few meters outside of the palace/mansion/whatever._  
'Is that a swimming pool? Well, I do stink a bit…Maybe I could take a bath there or something. Reeking of chlorine is better than the Odeur de study I'm wearing now. It will also be easier to get people to give me yummy stuff when I look presentable.'_

Going out of the classroom with a bath in mind, I wandered the deserted corridors until I found some stairs which lead me down and out of the building to the pool I saw through the window.

Only that the thing I believed was a swimming pool, was a shallow decorating water-basin.

_'Hey! No chlorine for me! And it seems deep enough so I can take a quick bath and sit in it.'_

I looked around for any peeps, but as I couldn't find any onlookers I just decided to flash anybody who got close enough and quickly got naked.

_'Hmmm, it won't do to wash myself and just get back into sweat-drenched clothes later. Guess, I'll just wash them too.'_

Said and done, I threw them into the pond/pool thingy and hopped in after them.

Quickly washing my armpits and the usual areas, I continued my random sponge bath by sticking my head underwater and scrubbing my short brown locks as best as I could do without shampoo in reach.

After everything was done with (it couldn't have taken more than a minute), I checked the sorroundings just to be sure nobody saw me going commando, picked my clothes out of the water, wrung them out and hung them on a sunny branch of the nearest tree only to get back into the basin to wait for my clothes to dry.

_'Both the wind and the water are surprisingly warm for it being only april, but hey! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'  
_  
I waited a few minutes in which I thought about who could have possibly kidnapped me (I still think the rich guy theory is right) and the most important question what reason the guy had, only to blink and remember to get my now mostly dry clothes back on, before I'd met another one of that exotic-colored guys.

So getting out of the water and shaking my head to get the last drops out of it, I walked buck nacked over to the tree and put my still slightly clammy panties on. There was a moment I searched for my bra until I remembered I didn't wear one when I got abducted.

_'Doesn't matter anyway, It isn't like I truly have breasts. Double-A can't really be considered boobs I think.' _

Quickly putting my pyjama back one, I decided it was time for Dora the Explorer to continue to explore.

Deciding that my best bet to finding answers would be in the mansion I walked back in and explored the ground-level. Maybe, the reason could also be that in big houses the kitchen are always on that level.

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**AN.: At first I wanted to make Marduk into a girly looking boy, but then I had so much ideas about how I could play with the view of the gods about how women should behave, ********(mind that they lived in ancient times where there were typical gender roles of man and woman to fulfill and defined)** that I decided otherwise and made her into a really manly woman/girl. .  
**But maybe I'm going to write another story with a male insert, that would also be really fun to write xD (Thoughts are wandering into adult-only areas...)**


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